June 2010
2 posts
I've found
That the quickest way into my pants involves a bizarre sense of humor and a steady supply of weed.
March 2010
1 post
Date # 21: What? No Jewelry?!!
He had free tickets to the dress rehearsal for Actéon and Dido & Aeneas over at BAM. I’d never been to the opera before, so I was game. I zipped up my thigh-high patent leather hooker boots. We met up outside. We strolled in and loaded up on the free coffee and Rice Crispies treats. We pleasantly bantered back and forth.
The operas were amazing. I particularly thought the performer who...
February 2010
3 posts
Date # 20: Tiny Dancer
After considering canceling this date I realized all the best dates are the ones I look forward to least. I was feeling tired, lazy and oerwhelmed, but he made me laugh, so what the hell?
We met at Franklin Park on St. John’s. My new favorite place in the hood, from the decor, to the music, crowd and general vibe.
The Olympics were on the tv, and they were showing footage of Vancouver...
Date # 19: Cinderella Story
So this dude offered to take me to the dress rehearsal for SNL last weekend, to be followed by fondue at Artisanal. He already wins.
My magical evening began at 30 Rock. He’s someone somewhat fancy, so we didn’t have to wait in line. He gave his name, and some chick came to get us. We got seats right in front of the stage that the musical guests perform on.
I have to say, he’s...
January 2010
10 posts
Date # 18: True Religion
After much rescheduling on my part, we finally met up at Lolita Bar in the LES. I knew it was him since he made a face at me. He had a funny laugh, which made me laugh harder. As he was spurring me on, I told him I had a huge vagina. Gotta love a man who either gets when I’m joking, or straight up doesn’t care.
He had on a super cool True Religion Western-style snap front shirt with trapunto...
I've been caught.
Twice now.
I’m not nearly as clever as I think I am.
It finally happened.
I saw some dude on the subway and he looked at me as though he recognized me, double take, smile and all. And I thought “Did I go on a date with that dude?’
After a minute I realized no, no I didn’t.
Whew!
Date # 17: Fucking Tease
After a series of missed phone calls, we finally met up at Jakewalk. I admit it. I had hopes of weaseling some cheese out of him. It didn’t work, since he wasn’t hungry.
Grumble….
Anyway, I was late. I’m not even sure how so, because I didn’t gussy myself up. I wore sneakers and a t-shirt, since all my fabulous boots need to go to the cobbler.
He was very fancy,...
Date #16: I See Hip People
Growing up, he had a pet duck named Charlie. I found this pretty awesome. He’s my age, which is nice since he gets the same pop culture references. It’s actually what he dug about my profile. I shouldn’t be writing this now. I’m tired. Anyway, we met at Pink Pony in the LES. Another cute joint. I again had champagne and French fries. (I need to vary this shit up, eh? Well these were SHOESTRING...
I googled my blog. My favorite is the second to...
Alcohol goes Straight to My Vagina | Alcoholic anonymous Dropouts …
Results from the Groups directory for Alcohol goes Straight to My Vagina … Alcohol has made me do embarrasing things · Alcohol has made my high school … www.facebook.com/directory/groups/A7591489-7591607 - Cached - Similar -
My vagina made me do it.
My vagina made me do it. This is a tumblelog, kinda like...
Date # 15: Spongebob
I had high hopes for this guy. Seemed to have a great sense of humor.
Tea Lounge in Park Slope on a Sunday at 11 am. Hot I know. I had a cherry blossom green tea with honey.
He was very tall and skinny. When we introduced ourselves I got up to shake his hand, and he awkwardly kissed me on the cheek. I never knnow what the proper protocol is for these situations. A nice enough guy. I was...
Date # 14: Scratch Tickets
After some witty repartee regarding the proper playing of cards, and by that I meant scratch tickets, I agreed to meet him at Flatbush Farm. Cute place, my kind of scene. I arrived early. Ordered the usual.
I sat at the bar and talked to the boy with the mullet and mustache whose girlfriend worked the bar for a bit. His french fries looked delicious.
I started feeling tipsy, so I texted. My date...
Date # 13: Cawfee
This dude refers to himself as a Staten Island Guido. I think, typically, this is not my type. Probably because I’m Italian-American and I have enough sense to not get involved with Italian-American dudes. But we had some oddly comfortable phone conversations and I found his accent adorable.
He offered to drive to my hood (thank you!) and meet for coffee. Even though he’s a liquor...
Date # 12 WTF?
So I had emailed this dude about canceling plans for the night. It was Friday, and come Friday, I’m tired and my brains don’t be working so good. All I wanted to do was come home, smoke weed and get some pizza.
But noooooooo. Whiny McWhinepants insisted I come out, since he was wearing a fabulous suit.
Since he was witty I caved and agreed to meet him at Blue Water Grill. He...
December 2009
4 posts
Date # 11: Delayed Meh
We had exchanged emails for a while, but life did not permit a meeting until 2 weeks later. He had just come back from a solo surfing trip in Costa Rica.
He had cool glasses, the kind with a ‘surprise’ on the inside rim, like mine. He wore an old man cardigan by Penguin and jeans that came up too high. Jeans are fixable.
We ended up at Fragole. I had polenta with a mushroom cream...
Date # 10: Sideburns
We met at Hotel Delmano in Greenpoint. I loved the décor. I had a glass of Cava in an old fashioned champagne glass. The kind Naomi Campell’s mom says the perfect sized breasts fit into.
He shows up, and we got a little nook all to ourselves. Good conversation all around. I was clearly stimulated because, like an ass, I kept interrupting him. Or, perhaps the 3rd glass was impairing my social...
Date # 9: The Pig Whisperer
We met at Bar Great Harry. Well, actually he first went to Angry Wade’s, but he eventually found me. I ordered myself a Coney Island Human Blockhead, which was tasty. I sometimes forget how delicious beer is.
We had pleasant conversations about his past (he delivered farm pigs!) I was regaled with stories of long rubber gloves, and arms past the elbow inside pig’s vaginas. Hot, I know.
...
November 2009
14 posts
Screw it.
I’m getting a dog instead.
Cooties
Today I was told by a 42 year old man that he’s allergic to me.
Basically, I have cooties.
42!
Year.
Old.
Man.
Date # 8: The Butcher, the Baker, the...
So Dude was a vegan baker and a massage therapist. He appears to work maybe 4 days a month or so. I envy his lifestyle. We went to Sample on Smith st. I realized at about 5pm what a dick I am, taking who is most likely a vegan to a cheese bar. Oh well. I showed up super early. I had almost finished my glass of Cava before he got there. And when he arrived, he was very quiet. So much so that I was...
Date # 7: The Beard
This was actually the first guy I emailed. I dig beards, and there was an adorable picture of him holding a dog. He wrote me back, then dropped off the planet. Out of nowhere, he popped back up in my inbox, super apologetic and asked to take me to dinner. I accepted. We went to Vini e Olii Locanda’s in Ft. Greene. I was hot and bothered for their menu. The place used to be a pharmacy,...
Today I look extra cute.
Out of spite.
Date # ?: Oopsie!
I forgot about this one. I think he was somewhere in there between 1-4.
We went to DBA in the East Village. Not the best idea for me, since I previously slept with a staffer at that joint. That’s a whole different story. I plunk myself down and order a Jameson’s and Coke. This guy shows up, and he seems to be a bit of an adventurer. He told me a story about a long walk involving a blow up doll...
Date # 6: The Inquisitor
This guy asked me some questions via email, no big deal. That’s all normal stuff. Didn’t seem terribly interesting, but nice. I figured why not?
I met him at Café Select in Soho. I wasn’t really looking forward to it, and was nervous when I arrived. Stood outside for a minute, looked in and spotted him. On with the Prosecco. He asked many questions. Many questions. At first I didn’t notice, until...
I realize
Previous posts may seem like I put out on the first date. That would be trampy of me.
I tend to wait at least a few dates before I turn the slut loose.
I’m only trying to fool myself here.
Date # 5: The Scientist
Relax. Scientist, not Scientologist. We met for brunch at Chez Oskar in Ft. Green. It was a rainy Saturday. I arrived first. He showed up and seemed really nervous. I got him talking about sciency things of which I have a very slim grasp of understanding. I just think it’s so cool that he quit his job and is working on this amazing project that could fail. That kind of risk-taking really impresses...
Date # 4: Spider Girl
For some reason I woke up that morning with a good feeling. I guess he had hooked me with his tale of guarding a family of ducks crossing the highway. Sure, they all got smooshed on the other side, but his effort was touching. That and the fact that he doesn’t have the heart to get rid of his deceased dog’s water dish. Not to mention his general sweetness. Plus he has an English accent.
We met at...
Date # 3: The Metrosexual Gaysian
His line to me was ‘Your hair is so fucking cute! When are you going to ask me out?!’ I admit. I find bizarre crap like this charming. That’s what got me to accept, and give him my personal email address. Big mistake. What first tipped me off about this not working is that when I told him I was going to Paris, he demanded I pick him up a pair of purple Lanvin shoes. Clearly he was semi-joking, but...
Date # 2: Fucking Bacon
This guy was in marketing. I knew I didn’t find him attractive, but he was so funny that I wanted to meet him anyway, in hopes that maybe I wasn’t completely shallow. We tried to go to Frankie’s 457, but they only had outdoor seating and the fool didn’t bring a coat. I hate being cold, and he was small and thin and already freezing. I didn’t want him to be uncomfy, so we opted for another place....
I love it when
Friends younger than you get engaged. Especially friends you’ve slept with.
Date 1: The Recovering Heroin Addict
The place he had suggested was shut down by the Health Department, so we ended up at Beauty Bar. Upon entrance, I knew I didn’t hide my disappointment. He had a very large head and a tiny body. He honestly looked like the little person on that episode of the Golden Girls. You know, the one Rose got dumped by for not being Jewish.
But still. I regained my composure and headed over. I had a glass...